Advocating is hard work and it is easy to get negative in the process. There are so many no's that a parent hears. It may be in other terms but in a parent's mind it is no. "I'm sorry, there is no coverage for speech therapy in your insurance plan". "There is a two year wait for the mental health waiver." "Our services are only available to those with Medicaid benefits through the waiver system." " I see that he has occupational therapy needs but in te school setting but none of his issues affect how he accesses the common core so he doesn't qualify." It makes a parent want to scream or tear her hair out!! It is so easy to lash out to the people who seem to be in the way.
What is a parent to do? It is important to be a part of the solution rather than one more problem for the person on the other end of the phone, computer or table. Many times the person delivering the message has nothing to do with the decision. There are some things that will not change but there are other ones where a little problem solving can go a long way.
An example of this was a child I know who had social skill needs. The paperwork was signed for the school to evaluate. There evaluation showed no deficits in this area. The boy had been in a social skills group I led so I knew he had needs. In a meeting, I asked the school what would be the process to ask for an independent evaluation. It was a heated comment. It was just a question. I wanted to make sure the parents understood what next steps they could take. I feel that comment set things in motion. The school knew the parents were serious about wanting social skill interventions though he did not qualify for them through special education. It was suggested by the school to look at some general education supports in social skills. The family was open to that and the school counselor was notified. The counselor developed a circle of friends small group once a week. This ended up being the best possible intervention. It was comprised of classmates who were socially very typical. The counselor facilitated this sociall skills type group and this boy made great progress through this intervention.
What's the learning curve in all this? It is good to be a strong advocate for a child but there needs to be give and take throughout the process. When a parent is a "pain" , the child is usually the loser. When a family tries to discuss and work without anger in differences, the others are more likely to look for ways to meet the need in a different way. It's always important to be a solution seeker than being an additional problem for others.
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