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Thursday, October 20, 2016

Learning to Do Hard Things

How do you teach a child to do hard things? One step at a time! I have been struck with the advice that a well known diet center's commercial teaches, "Take the first step!" There is so much wisdom in that advice. It may be down right scary. It may be uncomfortable. I can guarantee that it's a non preferred activity. There is no way to conquer these things if a child doesn't step out and try to do "that thing" she thinks is impossible. As a mother, I have heard every excuse why my child says he/she can't do it. I have done the same thing.

I try to avoid what I view as unpleasant. It's only natural. Many times, I was encouraged by someone else to "step out of my comfort zone." Have you noticed certain behaviors your child displays to avoid taking that first step? Does he ignore your "helpful hints? Does she procrastinate? Is there arguing? Does your child try to bait you to try to take the emphasis away from the first step? Do you take "the bait?"

What does your child need to take the first step in doing hard things? She may need support. For some, it may be encouragement . "I believe in you! You are going to do great!" The task may be overwhelming so it may need to be broken down with some extra assistance."Let's clean you room together. Pick up all the trash on this side of the room. I will do the other side of the room and we will meet in the middle of the room." It may take incentives. "I know you don't want to do this but if you do it before the timer rings you may have 10 extra minutes on your video game tonight."

The hardest part of this is two-fold....finding a powerful motivator that makes a child WANT to do hard things and parents that are consistent. I struggled to get a child to do something out of his comfort zone unless there was a highly motivating reason to do so. At my house, this usually involved technology! I also needed to be consistent with what I expected. If I was "soft" and said, "I will do it for you this time", there would be whining whining and fighting over it next time. This includes giving in and giving the reward just to be nice without requiring her to "do the hard thing." I learned this lesson the hard way!

Teaching a child to do hard things is a vital stepping stone to independence. It may be hard on the mommy and daddy to be "therapeutic parents" but the end result will be worth it