My son wanted me to help him through situations that caused anxiety. I was the resident problem solver. It was stressful for him (and for me) when I had to push him away from the comfort he had when I solved his problems. His world needed to expand. He did not want it to expand. It started with a lot of redirection. I can remember when he called me from school to solve an issue and I told him to go see the counselor or his TAG teacher and ask for help. The ability to seek out help is a critical skill a child must learn in order to go off to college or live on his own.
A child may find it very difficult to seek help. One aspect that may need extra instruction is in communication. Does your child know how to articulate her wants, needs and frustrations in the situation where she needs problem solving help? This may take walking a child through a script. I might say, " Go to Mrs. Miller and tell her that you are confused about what will happen at the homecoming assembly for those on the court? Do You have to say anything? What should you wear? Tell her you are nervous because you don't know what to expect." This is a first step. There may be push back from your child. It will require you to be calm and very convincing. There needs to be consistency. At times, it may seem like it is too hard. You will want to give up. I know I have felt that way many times. It may be three steps forward and two steps backwards on many days. If you find the process excruciating, you are in good company. I have felt that way so many times. Try to stay encouraged with any steps forward. This is a tough road but it is the way of independence in the future.
I am here to cheer you on. I would love to hear your story.
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