"Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" If everyone is honest, this is something each one has to admit they've heard. Yes, I heard it from my parents when I was growing up. I also said it multiple times to my own children. At sometime, most every spouse says it to his/her marriage partner. It may be heard in lots of relationship. It is a call to communicate with another person when it would be easier to isolate or retreat.
Often, those without real social deficits lean toward this approach. That makes one realize that individuals who aren't good with language and/or social abilities really have to work at this. Communication is hard work but many people, who have a difficult time expressing emotions and events, avoid trying. It is hard work and requires patience on the part of a parent or friend to help these people move to the next level.
Punishment is often used when a child runs away or shows negative emotions when communication is requested. It is important to remember, behavior is communication. Remember, this child needs a guide. He does what he does to avoid something that is uncomfortable. He probably doesn't know what to do so modeling is very important. He needs the adult to demonstrate patience, understanding and instruction. Positive movement may be very very slow especially if in the past he has avoided communication in difficult settings. Punishment should be reserved for mastered skills. "You must know beyond a shadow of a doubt" that the child knows exactly how to share his thoughts and feelings in a difficult situation before something is withheld as punishment.
It will take a calm demeanor to model the communication skills necessary for your child to learn how to have meaningful discussions on tough topics. In the beginning, the requests for compliance may need to be very minimal. For example, after the child runs to his room, you knock on his door and tell him you know he is upset but want to see him before he goes to bed. He may need to unlock his door and let you come in and express how upset he is. You may also allow him to come out of his room for a minute instead of having you go into the bedroom. Little steps will build into bigger gains with consistency. Too big of demands may backfire. The more negative the interactions, the longer it will take to make progress.
Hang in there, this is very hard work and progress is not likely to be made over night.
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