I am so sorry you have or likely will have to deal with a frienemy! But what is a FRIENEMY? It is a friend, maybe a long time relationship, who doesn't understand your life as a mom of a child with learning differences. She not only doesn't understand but she doesn't try to understand. In fact, she makes YOU feel guilty for not being a good friend to her. Sometimes, she is subtle. Other times it is very direct.
What causes the problem? Well, maybe you've grown a part with changes in life. Maybe it's a lack of empathy by is friend. She just can't see things from anyone's perspective but her own. She liked how things used to be and is mad the relationship isn't the same anymore. This happens as a mom's children grow and many moms can "get away" for girlfriend time. A mom with learning different children may not be able to do this easily. It may take a lot of pre planning to pull off some girlfriend time. This friend does't get it! She misses the way things used to be and gets irritated. When guilt tripping you does not work, anger might emerge and finally she says "forget it. I'm done with this relationship."
Let's rewind a bit. You have gone through a life altering event: discovering your child has learning differences. You thought that a friend would walk beside you and come to your aid. It didn't happen. In fact, you have felt forgotten, misunderstood and even rejected. How did this happen? We were good friends!
I posed this question to a friend who has seen this occur. She has seen this many times. Her response was the friend hasn't been through a "big thing" in her life because when that happens that will change her. I thought back on my life. I could be critical of leaders if I had not been a pastor's wife. If i wasn't a mom of a son on the autism spectrum, I could be unsympathetic to so many things. Experience teaches so much.
What do I learn from this? A person doesn't know what she doesn't know. Difficulties change a person. I have seen this over and over again. Even though the FRIENEMY can hurt you, it's helpful to understand that she just may not of had the experiences to reach out to you. Hang in there with your Personal FRIENEMY!
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