Ecclesiastes 3:5b states, " there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,"
I spend a lot of time teaching children with social deficits how to assess what is going on around them and determine how to respond to a situation. I often show a filter used in a coffee machine to explain this.
It is important that a filter let's the liquid flow through and restrains the coffee grounds. The liquid permeates the filter as coffee to pour out of the pot and the grounds stay in the filter. This keeps the coffee "grounds free" so it's more enjoyable to drink.
In the social context, a person must learn how to use his mind to filter the situation and figure out what is the proper response. Is it time for a hug or a time to refrain from a hug? It takes a lot more than a thin coffee filter to figure out whether to let a demonstrative act like a hug flow or restrain yourself from hugging this time. There is no clear cut answer when to do it and when to refrain. This is where the Holy Spirit's gentle nudging, ability to read another person's emotional state and experience with people all come together. It's a subjective call.
My son has a diagnosis of an ASD. This is the kind of stuff he hates. If I can give him a social rule, he will just follow it. He will do it every time. There are others who don't have social deficits who also find this difficult. If it is a difficult call, often a person reverts to always embracing or never embracing. This passage tells us there is a time for both. I conclude that I need work at learning to use a filter: Learning when to embrace and when to refrain.
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