“She’s so self-centered! It drives me crazy!” Could this phrase come out of your mouth? I’m sure it has come from mine many times. Today, let’s differentiate self-centeredness from being self-absorbed.
With self-centeredness, it’s all about me. This is when I don’t care how it affects anyone else. I just want it my way. It doesn’t matter who it hurts or how it inconveniences another person. “I want it and I want it now”
Being self-absorbed is different. Children with neurological challenges and learning differences are often self-absorbed. A self-absorbed child doesn’t think about others because it doesn’t occur to her. She isn’t aware that anyone else thinks differently about a subject. There is a problem in the brain with central coherence. She is unable to understand why someone else does not want to go to A & W. It is unthinkable, that her friend doesn’t like hot dogs. Looking at things from another person’s perspective is beyond this girl’s comprehension.
How does a parent deal with this self-absorbed mindset of her child? The main strategy is to expand this child’s awareness of how others might look at a situation. These perspective taking talks will probably challenge the thinking of this child. Lack of perspective taking is seen in rigid thinking. As with many social skills deficits, thinking problems cause behavior. The way to deal with the behavior is to tackle the thinking problems. Behavior doesn’t change until thinking does.
