My expectations about what my life would look like have not always come true. Honestly, many have but some of my "happily ever after life" just didn't happen.. I, along with most other people, fell in love with the idea that I would have all my dreams come true. When things didn't work out for my perfect life, my response was discouragement, sadness, anger and a whole group of emotions that don't produce the fruit God wants in my life. I understand that the loss of certain dreams and expectations require a grieving progress. I also know if I stay there too long, they begin to define me.
As I think about my journey as a special needs mom, many unrealized dreams come to mind. I think of the essay, Trip to Holland.
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans... the Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.
You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland!"
"Holland?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
Life doesn't turn out like the plan, sometimes. Everyone's Holland experience is a little different. At this stage, it is hard to see the beauty of Holland,yet. All that a person can focus on is the loss of Italy. After a grieving time for the loss, there is a point of acceptance. That doesn't mean the pain will go away as quick as it came. It will continue to hurt but In my life, I came to a point where my love for Jesus was more important than my love for a broken dream.
A verse that has given meaning to the losses I have experienced is John 16:33.
33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
God has promised me that there will be trouble in my earthly life. That includes unfulfilled dreams. Life will be hard, sometimes. He is the giver of peace and He has overcome the world. This gives me perspective. Life is about God and his promises. It is about God who triumphs over the troubles of this world. Life is about seeing things from God's point of view and keeping things in an eternal perspective.
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