As I began the special needs mom journey many years ago, someone shared some wisdom that has proved to be true. "You will be surprised by the people you expect to come along side you but don't. You will be equally surprised by the people who are there that you would not of expected." Today, let's talk about the first part of that nugget of truth.
What do you do with those people who don't "get it." I saw this in so many forms. There were good friends who would not bring up my son's disability. It was a BIG elephant in the room. I can remember being hurt by this. I finally said, "well, if they won't bring it up, I will. That backfired too! I brought up my son's diagnosis because I needed to talk to some friends about it. I remember this so vividly, the conversation topic was changed immediately. I was extremely hurt this time. I wondered if they were true friends. I figured out very quickly that they did not understand. Since that time I have understood that they didn't know what to do so avoidance was the route chosen.
Some people try to fix the situation by doing other things for your family because they can't go there with you. Others deny this is happening and tell you he is just fine and everything will work itself out. There are still others who blame your parenting or something you did during the pregnancy. You need empathy and some help, not a critique!
How does this get resolved? Sometimes you move on and find some friends who are more encourging. It is painful to let go of some of those old friendships but it is necessary. Parenting a child with learning challenges has enough difficulty. No need to add your own relationship challenges to your stress level. Now, there a people who will continue to be in your life (like your mother) who don't get it. It is hard but you have to let the comments you hear be filtered through.....she means well but just doesn't understand or embrace my life. It takes time to get over the hurt and sometimes angry feelings but persevere. The day you can overlook an offensive remark is the day you have won!!
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