Last week, my story started with sharing how advocating for my son in high school included two things.
- Advocating for my son when he really needed an adult to tackle issues that he could not. Some examples were helping teachers to understand that accommodations were needed even though he was taking college prep classes. He might need to take a test orally or in a quiet room. Another example was when he was going on a week long trip with his youth group. I sat down with the youth sponsor and the person who would be with him all the time to go over things they needed to know including roommates, anxiety and foods that were to be avoided.
- Encouraging and teaching my son how to advocate for himself. At times, he liked me to "take care of problems" like I had when he was younger. I often coached him how to handle it himself. I would give him specific steps and a sample script of what to say when he talked to the teacher or adult. I also held him accountable for doing this.
I would like to add an intermediate step between those listed above. After, my son was in junior high, I often told him to go ask the school counselor or the TAG teacher. These women were my "go-to" people at school. I thought it was time for him to make them his "go-to" people. He often called me in a panic not knowing how to handle a situation at school. I slowly pointed him toward these two ladies. It was uncomfortable for him, at first, so I moved slowly. My goal was to make him trust in someone other than me to solve his problems. Students with learning differences don't like to ask for help. My son was no exception. As time went on, he would call me and I would tell him, "Go see one of those two women. Call me back if hey are not available but don't call me if they are! He thought I was so mean but I needed to push him to seek out solutions from other willing people. So the last advocating step is...
3. Find an advocate within the school that your child learns to confide and seek help from. Gently, push him/her to seek out that person during the school day. He/she may resist so it may move from the gentle push to a firm one. I believe this form of advocacy was one area that made my son ready for post secondary options.
I'm looking forward to continuing the the story of moving toward empty nest. It wasn't one thing, it was a series of small steps that has helped our son make the jump to college. I would love to hear from others on this subject!
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