Image courtesy of Clare Bloomfield at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What is it? Let me tell our story and see if it sounds familiar. We were dealing with meltdowns with transitions and everything that wasn't built around my son's passions/obsessions. Let me describe how my son's therapist explained it to us. She wanted us to use a positive reinforcement plan rather than taking away access to these things. No more, "get off the computer now or you can't have it for 2 days!" But how do we do that? The phrase she used was "first non-preferred then non preferred." That changed everything! Honest! Here is how it worked!
PROBLEM
My son wanted to get on the computer before he left for school and this caused meltdowns daily. I would "take away computer" for the next morning. The problem wasn't solved. If he knew he couldn't have computer before school on day 2 so he had lost all motivation to get ready on day 2. It was such a struggle to get him out the door to school on those days. The new approach went something like this..
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Mom will wake you up and give you morning routine sheet.
- Complete all activities.
- Check each activity as completed.
- If all activities are completed by 7:15, You may get on computer for 10 minutes
If he does not meet that goal of 7:15, he is ready for school but just doesn't get computer. It wasn't popular at first but he learned quickly. I know the next question. "How did you get him off the computer without a melt down? Let's look at that.
We have a new non-preferred activity-getting off the computer to go to school. Preparation is another behavioral strategy we will deal with on a future post but I will touch on it here.
I will lay out the expectations beforehand so he has a chance to "digest" the idea before he has to do it. It might be a good idea to start talking about it several days before you institute this "new normal."
- I will give you a two minute warning before you have to get off the computer. I often would set a timer (another post in future weeks) for two minutes. When the timer rang he knew he needed to get off.
- If he got off right away then there would be an additional reinforcement. If it needs to be immediate it might be a special treat, if the child can delay it, think about Howlong the delay can be. You could work with your school to see if they could give the reinforcement during the day if he needs it relatively quickly. You will need to figure out how to communicate that to the school. It could be in the classroom or 1:1 with the school counselor. If he can wait until after school then you could offer him technology or other passionate interest as a reward.
To eliminate morning meltdowns over computer time and getting ready for school, it took two first......then....type interventions. Every time a child gets access to a preferred activity then leaving it starts a new round of first...then. I have found that a parent has to learn how to do first....then type strategies on an ongoing basis to minimize tantrums and meltdowns.
I would love to hear about others experiences with meltdowns around preferred and non-preferred activities.
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