I can remember leaving a school conference after hearing many things- some positive and some negative. The things that stay with me are all the negative comments. These are often stated as challenges, "developing" or needs improvement. The bottom line is: things are not going as well as my perfectionistic personality wants. My first two children were model students. I could tell you all the negative comments ever stated by a teacher. The reason was that these were rare. Normally, I was told how wonderful they were and a teacher wished she had a classroom full of students like my daughters. Then, I had my son. Life at school was hard.
No one understood why my son had such difficulty managing the school day. He was smart just like his sisters. He just couldn't handle the school day. His teacher didn't understand the issues. In fact, she thought he was disrespectful and didn't try. The things I had done in the past just were not working. He had always had trouble with managing social environments. In early education when he was at school for half days, the teacher and I could work together and figure out some incentives to motivate him. That wasn't working with all day school. He just couldn't handle the demands of each day for a little reward.
It was time to look for some new ways for him to be successful. Thus, the conversation began. The conversation didn't ever end until he graduated from high school. The first two years of the conversation happened daily. It took a lot of trial and error to come up with solutions that helped the situation. This constant conversation was part of developing the relationship between home and school. A partnership between home and school is essential for a child to progress.
Another part of the conversation was perspective taking. I needed to learn how my son felt. I learned slowly how to communicate his perspective as well as mine. I also needed to hear from the school personnel and under their perspective as well as understanding what was said about my son's classmates. We had to listen to each other and develop empathy for the players in this drama called school.
This conversation was vital. We understood that issues would not be solved overnight. They were not! I must admit, not everyone in the conversation was enthusiastic about this process. That's the reality of working with people. Many of the long term players developed many of the qualities of a great advocate and we developed a culture of teamwork.
Next time, I will share some discussion points for "the conversation."
Posted with Blogsy