OK It's Almost Time

Summer time goes so quickly! Here is the trajectory.

1. A couple of weeks for children and parents to adjust and settle into summer.
2. Swim lessons
3. Summer camp
4. Summers sports leagues/camps/2 a day practices
5. Family Vacation
6. Vacation Bible School
7. Summer reading and library visits
8. Go to the pool
9. Camping on the weekends
10. And BACK TO SCHOOL shopping!

My friends who are teachers tell me they need to start preparing for fall after July Fourth. I learned this more last summer than any year in the past. I was getting my son ,who is diagnosed with a disability, prepared to go away from home to college. He was going 6 hours from home so I needed to make sure He had what he needed in his dorm room. I couldn't just drop by and bring him something.

Last summer, I researched, purchased and packed. This summer, I want to figure out exactly what I did and document it. I'll share this with my readers over the next few weeks.

My thought initially was to make my son's room and supplies easily accessible. He would have so many challenges managing all the change and new situations that his room could be a place of Predictability. It worked out well for him.

See you next week as we start the "Off to College" Series.

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Summer Stress

The first couple weeks of summer vacation are exhausting! They are hard for all mom's but those families have a child with learning differences: it can be really difficult. If you are ready to wave the white flag----hold on for a little while longer. You don't have to give in to all of your child's demands just to survive the summer. But why is it so hard?

Let's take a step back and look at things from your child's perspective.

1. This is change. It's actually a pretty radical change. There has not been more than 6-7 schools days off at a time for nine months. This is going to last for a while. It might be a little upsetting to the child's system.

2. Life at home is never as structured as the day at school. Most children with learning differences thrive on structure. It is a dependable schedule giving a child a sense of what to expect. In the summer, many days and weeks don't resemble each other. This is true for children who go to the same daycare as they do before and after school care. It is true if there is a babysitter at your house.

3. School age children are use to being gone without demands from home for several hours a day. It's an independence that has been lost. All the demands come from mom, dad, a grandparent or a sitter/nanny. There is not as much break from these people.

4. There will be day camps, vacation Bible school, overnight camps for many children. It's fun for the kids but it is also stressful. New places, new adults, new peers each week. Some weeks there are lots of activities and other weeks it's more just hanging out at home or with a sitter. It's hard for many children to make this many transitions constantly throughout the summer.

5. Vacations can be fun but also stressful. Some pre-planning can really help with heightened anxiety.

After thinking about how hard the summer transition is for kids, it encourages a parent to be long-suffering with the children as they transition to this "new normal."

Next week, let's consider how a mom manages the summer transition especially when she has been stretched as far as she can handle. This is real. I've been there. You have been too! Let's look for some ways to handle this early summer stress!


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You are loved!

On this Pre-Mother's Day week of posts, I want you to know you are loved!

Your child(ren) don't only love ❤️ you but need you.  You are the glue that holds things together for a child with learning differences.  When the life gets crazy in a child's world, you are the calming influence.  Your voice is comforting.  Your face is reassuring.  Your touch is calming.  Your voice can calm like no other.  Your investment creates such stability for the child.  All of these have created a relationship of love between the two of you.  Even on the hardest days, there is a smile that comes over your face when you see your child.  Even with the sleepless nights, aggressive behavior and hours of helping with homework, you love that child and he loves you!

There are many others who love and appreciate you.  Hopefully, family and friends let you know.  But even if you get little appreciation from others, there is One who loves you beyond what you can even imagine.  The God of the Bible loves you in a way that is beyond comprehension.  

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness..Jeremiah 31:3

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Psalm 136:26 Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.

Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations,

These are great scriptures to remember how much God loves you.  I don't want you to forget how God's is demonstrative.  He loved people (including YOU) not just as creator but as redeemer.  Here are a few verses of God's active involvement to bring us into a relationship with Him.  

Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—

I John 4:9-10.   This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Mom, remember you are loved.  Your child loves you intensely.  God loves you even more, more than you will ever know.  He loves you because He created you in His own image.  He showed His love by the ultimate sacrifice of his son, Jesus.  Jesus died for your sins to bring you into a relationship with God, the Father.  Know that the love of God is an extravagant love toward you.

Mom, YOU ARE LOVED!

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Mom, Do You Need Some Incentives?

Many of our children who receive special education services complete inventories about what motivates him/her. This is how the teacher gets your child to do hard or non preferred tasks. I remember telling myself as a college student that when I finish this chapter I will go and get a Coke. I was rewarding myself for getting through tedious information.

Let me ask you a question. What are the things that motivate you? I know, you have too much to do parenting, taking care of your home and a slew of others things to worry about motivation. I lived in that world for a lot of years. The thing I found was I worked all the time but never At a very strong pace. I slowed down because there was no real reason to speed up. I could of gotten more done but never enough to feel like I could take a break. Since I never "rewarded" myself, I accomplished even less and a vicious circle had been placed in motion. 

 

If you are going to fare well in the special needs parenting race, you need to find some ways in to energize yourself. It takes good strategies to run a full marathon. That is what is necessary in parenting, especially with children diagnosed with learning differences. A sprint will zap your energy and you won't be able to finish the race. No one wins when that happens.

This might look different for you than it does for me. It might be doing something alone like a trip to Target without the kids. Another person may need to take some creative thing on Pinterest and find a way to accomplish it. A girlfriend Starbucks outing might be another choice. If you recharge by Intellectual pursuits, it might be time to plan a trip to the library or take a class. It might be a variety of things. I can remember organizing spices and staples into Tupperware. I have done cooking days making a month of meals. I spent time at Panera reading books.

Find an incentive that can keep you going on the long road of your daily ups and downs of special needs parenting. Once you figure out what it is, work hard at implementing it into your life!


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Love

❤️ makes the world go around or that's how the saying goes. I don't know about the world but it certainly is the most central thing in parenting a child. The author, Agatha Christie once said, "A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dates all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."

That's especially true when it comes to a mom of a child with learning differences. At least for me, it is hard to explain. It is like nothing else. I show love through hugs, kisses and snuggles just as any mom would for her child. It comes out through comfort and care just like one would expect. 

 

When a child has challenges, a mother's love ❤️ comes out in ways that many would not include in a standard definition. There is a tenacity and fight for this child that can only be fully comprehended by a mom who walks in the same shoes. It is not a fight against anyone but for this child.

I remember reading a bible verse early in my special needs mom's journey. "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron." Isaiah 45:2. This verse was one I clung to in the early years of my son's diagnosis. It was a strong active discription of what I was asking God to do. I wanted the mountains I could not to take on to be crushed. I prayed that God would break down the gates and bars of autism when I had no idea what to do. This wasn't a passive love it was active.

Love called me to learn all I could about autism and strategies to use with my son. Love made me learn through lots of trial and error. Love caused me to keep going no matter how many set backs came. Love caused me to cry when I saw how hard certain things were for my son. Love caused me to make my son do things he didn't want to do. I had help him not to give up. In order to do that, love caused me not to give up.

A mother's love is strong. It is the core. All other qualities will not carry through without love. Love is the most important part of the relationship between a parent and a child.


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Character

Have you started  day out feeling good saying "this is going to be an epic day."  Well, maybe not.  The idea is that you want to have a good day and make some great memories with family and friends.  Then life happens.  It comes in many forms, frustrations, accidents, difficulties and a few interpersonal conflicts.  Sound familiar?  How can a parent turn these things around?  As I was thinking about this question I thought about the character qualities that are outlined in the Bible and referred to as the Fruit of the Spirit.  We need to put on these things rather than reacting to the many things that trip us up.  

"But the fruit of the Spirit is 

        love

        joy

        peace

        patience

        kindness

        goodness

        faithfulness

        gentleness 

        self-control.

Over the next few weeks, we'll look at each of the attributes and how they can make a difference in daily relationships and our perspective on life. Please join me for this series.  It has the potential of being life changing.  

Friends and Enemy= Frienemy!

Dear mom of learning different child:


I am so sorry you have or likely will have to deal with a frienemy! But what is a FRIENEMY? It is a friend, maybe a long time relationship, who doesn't understand your life as a mom of a child with learning differences. She not only doesn't understand but she doesn't try to understand. In fact, she makes YOU feel guilty for not being a good friend to her. Sometimes, she is subtle. Other times it is very direct. 

 

What causes the problem? Well, maybe you've grown a part with changes in life. Maybe it's a lack of empathy by is friend. She just can't see things from anyone's perspective but her own. She liked how things used to be and is mad the relationship isn't the same anymore. This happens as a mom's children grow and many moms can "get away" for girlfriend time. A mom with learning different children may not be able to do this easily. It may take a lot of pre planning to pull off some girlfriend time. This friend does't get it! She misses the way things used to be and gets irritated. When guilt tripping you does not work, anger might emerge and finally she says "forget it. I'm done with this relationship."

Let's rewind a bit. You have gone through a life altering event: discovering your child has learning differences. You thought that a friend would walk beside you and come to your aid. It didn't happen. In fact, you have felt forgotten, misunderstood and even rejected. How did this happen? We were good friends!

I posed this question to a friend who has seen this occur. She has seen this many times. Her response was the friend hasn't been through a "big thing" in her life because when that happens that will change her. I thought back on my life. I could be critical of leaders if I had not been a pastor's wife. If i wasn't a mom of a son on the autism spectrum, I could be unsympathetic to so many things. Experience teaches  so much.

What do I learn from this? A person doesn't know what she doesn't know. Difficulties change a person. I have seen this over and over again. Even though the FRIENEMY can hurt you, it's helpful to understand that she just may not of had the experiences to reach out to you. Hang in there with your Personal FRIENEMY!


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Letting Go

As a special needs parent, letting go sounds strange. A child with learning differences needs a parent for so many things. He needs that parent to help him in more ways than his siblings or classmates. He requires this kind of support for a lot longer than others. So how does letting go look with a child diagnosed with a disability?

Letting go is allowing a child to do things on his own as much as possible. I only can share what that has meant in my life as a mom. I remember sending my son to summer Bible camp. I wrote a book (that's a little exaggerated) for the camp personnel. I went early to drop him off to meet with counselors and nursing staff. I talked to the nurses several times that first week. It would of been easier to go and stay at the camp for the week. It did not go beautifully that first summer. It was only for five days but it was hard for everyone involved. The second summer and all those after went much better. It was important to leave him at camp that first summer. It was part of letting go as the hovering protective mother that I was in those days.

Recently, my son went away to college. He is 22 and receives some extra supports to manage this transition. He attended a community college part-time for three years and lived at home. He went off to college later than his high school friends but I know that many little steps along the way over many years enabled this to happen. Letting go was something I needed to do in steps over a lot of years. My son had to let go of the comfort he finds in being at home. He has taken smaller steps over the last several years to let go and take new steps.

 

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Encouragement: Parenting Essential

Encouragement comes in so many forms. When a child lacks confidence, a parent's job is helping him believe he CAN DO IT! It often takes more words of affirmation than one can imagine. Other times, encouragement comes in the form of extra support. As a mom, I often told my son when he felt like life was out of control, "I am a problem solver. What do you need?" That support was an encouragement for my son. He didn't have to figure out what to do when he had no idea where to start. This kept him from giving up. That was a way to provide him encouragement to persevere.

Encouragement comes in a very different form sometimes. I have found, at times, my words don't help. If I don't assure him that a situation will change, he wants me to "fix" the situation for him. I have to "encourage" him to do something out of his comfort zone. This is not an easy kind of encouragement. I can remember times my son called me from school when he had an uncomfortable situation he wanted to escape or avoid. Sometimes I felt he needed to deal these situations without my help. He didn't appreciate my encouragement to seek help from another trusted adult at his school. This advice was unwelcomed at the time but it built confidence in my son that he could deal with issues himself with the help of people other than me. Encouraging a child to break out of established patterns helps him to develop greater problem solving skills.

Encouragement comes in various forms. Consistency is a key. Sometimes, it's tiring to give another round of affirming words. Problem solving and assistance also takes more energy than a parent feels he has. The hardest kind for me was when I had to push my son to do something hard. It was almost heart wrenching. I was making him do something that seemed overwhelming. He felt like I had deserted him and he was really disappointed in me. It was tough on me but it has been such a confidence builder. Encouragement is hard work but it brings great reward!

 

 

 

 

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Learning to Communicate

"Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" If everyone is honest, this is something each one has to admit they've heard. Yes, I heard it from my parents when I was growing up. I also said it multiple times to my own children. At sometime, most every spouse says it to his/her marriage partner. It may be heard in lots of relationship. It is a call to communicate with another person when it would be easier to isolate or retreat.

 

Often, those without real social deficits lean toward this approach. That makes one realize that individuals who aren't good with language and/or social abilities really have to work at this. Communication is hard work but many people, who have a difficult time expressing emotions and events, avoid trying. It is hard work and requires patience on the part of a parent or friend to help these people move to the next level.

Punishment is often used when a child runs away or shows negative emotions when communication is requested. It is important to remember, behavior is communication. Remember, this child needs a guide. He does what he does to avoid something that is uncomfortable. He probably doesn't know what to do so modeling is very important. He needs the adult to demonstrate patience, understanding and instruction. Positive movement may be very very slow especially if in the past he has avoided communication in difficult settings. Punishment should be reserved for mastered skills. "You must know beyond a shadow of a doubt" that the child knows exactly how to share his thoughts and feelings in a difficult situation before something is withheld as punishment.

It will take a calm demeanor to model the communication skills necessary for your child to learn how to have meaningful discussions on tough topics. In the beginning, the requests for compliance may need to be very minimal. For example, after the child runs to his room, you knock on his door and tell him you know he is upset but want to see him before he goes to bed. He may need to unlock his door and let you come in and express how upset he is. You may also allow him to come out of his room for a minute instead of having you go into the bedroom. Little steps will build into bigger gains with consistency. Too big of demands may backfire. The more negative the interactions, the longer it will take to make progress.

Hang in there, this is very hard work and progress is not likely to be made over night.

 

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Flexible Thinking

If a child is going to grow toward an independent adult, rigid thinking must become less and replaced by cognitive flexibility. More simply, a child needs to forsake "my way or the highway" with a willingness to try a different route. This is easier to talk about than to do. A parent or caretaker must convince a child there is a better way.

An example of this happened when my son was in fourth grade. His school counselor met with him once a week. At one of these weekly meetings, she suggested that he should walk to class at the beginning of the day by himself. I had always walked him to class. In the early days, it was difficult for me to get out of his room without him running after me. Over time, this had become much easier.

My son reacted quite negatively to the counselor's suggestion. He told her, "Oh, no! I can't do it without my mom!" They discussed it for a few weeks and then a little progress was made. She suggested that she would meet him at the door each morning and walk him to the classroom and stay with him until the teacher arrived. After a few weeks, she said why don't you bring a book to read. She had a chair placed outside of the classroom. She walked him to class and left him and he read his book until his teacher came to unlock the classroom door. A few weeks later he told his school counselor that he could go to class by himself. The whole process took about four months. Little by little, my son began to believe he could independently begin his day like his peers.

A couple years later, this counselor posed an idea. She wanted him to pick a friend to visit the middle school. My son wanted nothing to do with this because no one else was going to do it. She said she would pick up lunch for them afterward at a fast food restaurant. He still wasn't "buying." She ended that discussion asking him to talk to mom about it. We talked about it just like two years before. I thought it would take less time but I was very surprised what transpired. He saw his counselor the next week. He walked into her office and said, "I want Nathan to go with me and I want Pizza Hut for lunch." She asked him why the change of heart? His answer showed his growth. "I know you and my mom are going to make me do it so I don't want to waste anymore time talking about it."

He had become more flexible in his thinking patterns and this is an area that has served him well. I would not call him a person with lots of cognitive flexibility but he has moved in that direction significantly.

Let's into ways to help your child become a flexible thinker. Next week, we'll consider how to have a profitable discussion with an individual that has a rigid thinking style.

 

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Learning to Do Hard Things

How do you teach a child to do hard things? One step at a time! I have been struck with the advice that a well known diet center's commercial teaches, "Take the first step!" There is so much wisdom in that advice. It may be down right scary. It may be uncomfortable. I can guarantee that it's a non preferred activity. There is no way to conquer these things if a child doesn't step out and try to do "that thing" she thinks is impossible. As a mother, I have heard every excuse why my child says he/she can't do it. I have done the same thing.

I try to avoid what I view as unpleasant. It's only natural. Many times, I was encouraged by someone else to "step out of my comfort zone." Have you noticed certain behaviors your child displays to avoid taking that first step? Does he ignore your "helpful hints? Does she procrastinate? Is there arguing? Does your child try to bait you to try to take the emphasis away from the first step? Do you take "the bait?"

What does your child need to take the first step in doing hard things? She may need support. For some, it may be encouragement . "I believe in you! You are going to do great!" The task may be overwhelming so it may need to be broken down with some extra assistance."Let's clean you room together. Pick up all the trash on this side of the room. I will do the other side of the room and we will meet in the middle of the room." It may take incentives. "I know you don't want to do this but if you do it before the timer rings you may have 10 extra minutes on your video game tonight."

The hardest part of this is two-fold....finding a powerful motivator that makes a child WANT to do hard things and parents that are consistent. I struggled to get a child to do something out of his comfort zone unless there was a highly motivating reason to do so. At my house, this usually involved technology! I also needed to be consistent with what I expected. If I was "soft" and said, "I will do it for you this time", there would be whining whining and fighting over it next time. This includes giving in and giving the reward just to be nice without requiring her to "do the hard thing." I learned this lesson the hard way!

Teaching a child to do hard things is a vital stepping stone to independence. It may be hard on the mommy and daddy to be "therapeutic parents" but the end result will be worth it

 

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Next Steps Toward Empty Nest

My son wanted me to help him through situations that caused anxiety. I was the resident problem solver. It was stressful for him (and for me) when I had to push him away from the comfort he had when I solved his problems. His world needed to expand. He did not want it to expand. It started with a lot of redirection. I can remember when he called me from school to solve an issue and I told him to go see the counselor or his TAG teacher and ask for help. The ability to seek out help is a critical skill a child must learn in order to go off to college or live on his own.

A child may find it very difficult to seek help. One aspect that may need extra instruction is in communication. Does your child know how to articulate her wants, needs and frustrations in the situation where she needs problem solving help? This may take walking a child through a script. I might say, " Go to Mrs. Miller and tell her that you are confused about what will happen at the homecoming assembly for those on the court? Do You have to say anything? What should you wear? Tell her you are nervous because you don't know what to expect." This is a first step. There may be push back from your child. It will require you to be calm and very convincing. There needs to be consistency. At times, it may seem like it is too hard. You will want to give up. I know I have felt that way many times. It may be three steps forward and two steps backwards on many days. If you find the process excruciating, you are in good company. I have felt that way so many times. Try to stay encouraged with any steps forward. This is a tough road but it is the way of independence in the future.

I am here to cheer you on. I would love to hear your story.

 

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One Step Toward Empty Nest

Last week, my story started with sharing how advocating for my son in high school included two things.

1. Advocating for my son when he really needed an adult to tackle issues that he could not. Some examples were helping teachers to understand that accommodations were needed even though he was taking college prep classes. He might need to take a test orally or in a quiet room. Another example was when he was going on a week long trip with his youth group. I sat down with the youth sponsor and the person who would be with him all the time to go over things they needed to know including roommates, anxiety and foods that were to be avoided.
2. Encouraging and teaching my son how to advocate for himself. At times, he liked me to "take care of problems" like I had when he was younger. I often coached him how to handle it himself. I would give him specific steps and a sample script of what to say when he talked to the teacher or adult. I also held him accountable for doing this.

I would like to add an intermediate step between those listed above. After, my son was in junior high, I often told him to go ask the school counselor or the TAG teacher. These women were my "go-to" people at school. I thought it was time for him to make them his "go-to" people. He often called me in a panic not knowing how to handle a situation at school. I slowly pointed him toward these two ladies. It was uncomfortable for him, at first, so I moved slowly. My goal was to make him trust in someone other than me to solve his problems. Students with learning differences don't like to ask for help. My son was no exception. As time went on, he would call me and I would tell him, "Go see one of those two women. Call me back if hey are not available but don't call me if they are! He thought I was so mean but I needed to push him to seek out solutions from other willing people. So the last advocating step is...

3. Find an advocate within the school that your child learns to confide and seek help from. Gently, push him/her to seek out that person during the school day. He/she may resist so it may move from the gentle push to a firm one. I believe this form of advocacy was one area that made my son ready for post secondary options.

I'm looking forward to continuing the the story of moving toward empty nest. It wasn't one thing, it was a series of small steps that has helped our son make the jump to college. I would love to hear from others on this subject!

 

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Empty-Nest , Yeh!

Life is changing! Honestly, it has been for the last 10 years. In this time, I sent my daughters off to college. After that, study abroad programs, graduation and first real jobs. They have had weddings so we have son-in-laws joining our family. When they were busy with these next steps in life, I was advocating for my son in junior high and high school. It was a challenging road helping an older child with learning differences. A child in early intervention grows up. My role as mom changes. It is hard to gracefully assert influence and encourage a child continue in his growth and development.

 

My son was one of those students who didn't fit into special education. But school without supports was not the right fit, either. He was capable of doing any subject but he needed some accommodations. Very few high school physics or English Literature teachers have had a lot of students that receive accommodations. I know this because I learned little by little and step by step the things my son needed to succeed and advocated for them. This was quite the learning curve for this mama! I needed to figure out how his learning disabilities intersected with his gifted areas. It was a very demanding position to serve as his advocate while encouraging him to take on this role for himself.

Honestly, I felt like giving up so many times when it seemed hard and frustrating. I tried to figure what my son needed. That was no small task. Then I needed to convince and encourage school personnel to give him the accommodation he needed (or at least what I thought he needed).

Today, 3 years after high school graduation, my husband and I are empty nesters. It took a little longer than with my daughters. Join me, over the next few weeks. I will share the road to empty nest for a family with a child that has diagnosed learning differences.

 

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Teaching Hygiene How-To's

How do I teach hygiene as a life skill? Well, there is not an easy answer to that question. I used to think if I taught my son all the steps to taking a shower, brushing his teeth or putting on deodorant, my job was done. I would say this was STEP 1. These routines took a lot of effort. Visual supports worked great. This can be with visuals, words or both. I made the mistake of thinking my son was verbal so he didn't need visuals. I was WRONG! When I finally tried a checklist for routines, that's when he learned hygiene routines and could do them on his own.

There was STEP 2: convincing my son that it was important to practice the hygiene routines he knew. I have had many "discussions" with students over hygiene especially hand washing after toileting. I don't understand why so many individuals "fight" hygiene routines. This rigidity seems to be a behavioral issue. It is but it won't be solved unless it is tackled at its root. It begins as rigid thinking and progresses to the behavior of refusing to practice some type of hygiene. My job is to convince a child that there are important reasons that will benefit him by practicing good hygiene. This was a big task at times. Sometimes this took months and years before this thinking problem was totally solved.

STEP 3 is the key to self sufficiency with hygiene. Simplify the routines and supplies needed so that hygiene is not complicated. Next week I will share how I helped my son simplify these routines as he went away to college. I have learned that simplicity in routines enable a student with learning differences to be more independent.

Join me next week as we look at specific ways to simplify your child's hygiene.

 

 

 

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Lifesavers When Special Needs Parenting is Exhausting

I know as a mom of a child with learning differences, I am often tired. It's a different tired than I felt with young children or on a moving day. Those are physically tiring times. What about the mental and emotional exhaustion that parenting a child with a disability brings? It can be overwhelming! The advocating, therapy appointments, behavior struggles, anxiety(your child's and your own), and stress of dealing with disability day in day out over many years. Sometimes, I had no energy to do anything that was not absolutely necessary.

When I hit this point of exhaustion, I've found a few things that have made a difference. Here are a few.

 

I told my husband I need him to relieve me of the care for a short time. I rarely asked but when I did my husband knew that I really needed it. I remember my son's second grade year. By the first of May, I could not handle any more advocating and going to school for all the end of the year field trips and activities. There were so many changes to my son's schedule and he struggled with them. I felt like I needed to be done with the stress of school. My husband helped by rearranging his schedule and attending many special events that spring to allow me some rest.

Friends of ours helped my husband and I to get away together by taking care of our children. It is amazing what a few days without parenting responsibilities did to rejuvenate me and renew my energy.

Friends who "get it" were a lifesaver. Just sharing the struggle of everyday ups and downs with another mom who dealt with similar issues, made a huge difference. Feeling understood was so important. It provided a place which normalized my experience. A friend who lived a similar life provided a respite. Laughter and tears that lowered stress and bonded me to another mom. Friendship was so essential.

Exercise lowers stress. I walked with a friend as often as possible. We walked and talked, outside and at a local mall, depending on the weather. It was another way of reducing my stress and increasing emotional energy.

Prayer and reading the Bible filled me up in ways nothing else could. God met me so many times and renewed me with strength and energy.

Find an escape. For me, I love mysteries, especially old tv shows. I have found a few newer ones. It is something that I can get "lost in" for an hour. I have found this hour "vacation" really helps me.

Parenting a child with learning differences is hard, sometimes really hard. It depletes a person at times but there are ways to replenish. Let me know if you have found other ways to recharge. It can be done but it takes effort.

 

 

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Mom, What's in Your Thought Bubble?

My imaginary thought bubbles are very different depending on the day. Does that mean that my thoughts are controlled by my circumstances? Maybe, at least, some of the time. I am not going to give my readers a lecture on why it is unhealthy and/or wrong to be controlled by circumstances. I struggle with this so I bet most everyone reading does too!

What else influences my thought bubbles. I call it capacity. There are times I've hit my limit. I cannot handle one more thing. My capacity is full. I have too much of everything. It may be different for every person but some possible categories are advocating, housework, shopping, lawn work, job responsibilities, volunteer commitments, relationship difficulties, ill children, parents or spouse. The list could go on and on with things that are using up capacity. When I hit this stage, my thought bubbles are not real positive or hopeful.

I know the spiritual ones among us are having a thought bubble that says, "what about God?" I have to admit, I don't turn to God as quickly as I should. There is a spiritual battle that is being fought that I'm not aware. Ephesians 6 warns me about this. Satan is trying to get my focus off of turning my eyes toward Jesus. The negativity comes. I have placed myself in a vulnerable position. I am at the spot of "no return." As a wise Christ follower I need to protect myself from this temptation to give up and give in to this negativity and lack of faith in God's power and provision.

What is a stressed out mom going to do? Well, here are some go to's that I try when I feel life controlling me instead of the other way around.

 

• Stay connected with God by reading the Bible, praying and going to Church. The regularity of these disciplines make a huge difference in my thought bubbles.
• When life is stressful, let non essential activities go. Yes, sometimes that means backing out of commitments even if that is something you don't do. No martyr complexes here. Do what you need to do to stay within your capacity.
• If someone else can do it 80% as well as you, LET HER/HIM!! You don't have to do everything.
• Take breaks regularly. Schedule relaxing things and use some of your capacity to figure how to make these breaks happen.
• Be proactive in any and every way to keep yourself emotionally healthy and way below the meltdown stage. Don't give Satan a foothold in your

Let's covenant together to take captive every thought and keep it under the Lordship of Christ. It may take some effort to keep stress under the melt down line. Come back next Wednesday. I will share more from the scriptures that I have mentioned in this post.

Until then, keep those thought bubbles hopeful!

 

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Mommy Meltdown

Last Week was back to school week in our community. How exciting, right? Not if you have a child with learning differences. It can be an incredible time of stress. Mom: you have had a lot of stress. You have spent the summer managing schedules for your child. It lacked the structure of the school year which causes a lot of stress on your child who doesn't function well outside of a very organized life. Mom your stress is high during the summer because it's exhausting to manage the activities, your child's anxiety, issues with the siblings and the rise of your anxiety.

Yay, it's time to go back to school. This brings different duties that you haven't had during the summer. There is shopping for school supplies, lunch food, clothes, and shoes. There are sign ups for extra-curricular activities at school and in the community. There are meetings at school and new therapy schedules. Children need to get on an earlier bedtime schedule. There are routines to orchestrate. Morning routines, evening ones. What are the expectations for completing homework. Are you feeling overwhelmed yet?

I have forgotten one thing that often puts us moms into meltdown mode. It is managing a child's anxiety as he adapts to all the new things that come with back to school time. Transition to a new teacher, a new schedule, different classroom routines and the general demands of school. This includes a lot of auditory information. There is a need for independence and attention. The list goes on and on. Not only does a mom try to help a child "calm down", she also picks up the emotional pieces when the anxiety is out of control. If the child shows anxiety at school through behavior, she worries, prays and deals with the school. The bottom line, mom is taking on more stress than she was meant to have. Back to school can be really HARD!

I want to be the first one to give you permission to have a back to school meltdown. For me, I needed to have a good old fashioned cry to get rid of my pent up stress. As a mom, I have a tendency to take on my child's stress. I have to get rid of it. I'm not encouraging you to plan a meltdown, but if you do, it's understandable and you have a friend here who understands!

 

 

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Back to School Anxiety

Does your child struggle with school anxiety? I know I had one that did. It is not easy. Here are a few things I did with my son that lessened the back to school stress.

1. We went to the school and walked around the empty hallways before school started. We found his room and stopped by and talked with the office personnel. This gave him an exposure without lots of people around. The social environment of school was his main source of stress.
2. We made an appointment to go meet his teacher before "meet the teacher" time. He could have a few minutes of 1:1 time with the teacher. I could be there to help with the meeting and leaving at the end. Transitions were really hard in these new settings. We dropped off his supplies and skipped the meet the teacher time for the rest of the students. This lowered the anxiety: his and mine!
3. We went over the school routine. I tried to think of everything I could about the first day/week of school. We talked about "what will you do if .......happens." This didn't solve every potential problem but it took care of some.
4. I can remember going outside when the bus took its trial run through our neighbor hood a few days before school. We waved the bus driver on and it took care of one more first he would have. He knew who his busdriver would be without having the kids there.
5. Lastly, we prepared by getting on a good bedtime and getting up schedule at home. It was important that these seemed normal as the school year began.

These are some of the things that worked for my son. It's a list to help you think through what might be some good ways to prepare for the first day of school. Please, let me know of other ways that help your child/ren.

 

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