The last couple of months
have been one of these times. I was
thrilled that he had been able to graduate at a Christian High School without
any special education services. What an
accomplishment. But I also had to deal
with the fact our experience was very different than his classmates and their
families.
You see, there were no
awards for sports, academics, music, drama or anything else. My son hadn’t gone to prom or participated in
any extra- curricular activities. He
didn’t want a graduation party because it would be too stressful to greet all
those guests. He had no desire to attend any of his classmates graduation
parties. He isn’t much into crowds,
small talk or much else that one does at parties. He would of elected out of the
graduation ceremony had the choice been his.
Mom's want graduation and
the end of high school to be special.
Isaac doesn’t like special.
Special is stressful. It causes
him anxiety not knowing what will happen next.
I know, I need to relax and let him enjoy life in his own way. I need this not to be about me and what I
would like. I know all of this
intellectually but those raw feelings come.
There are some things I
wish were different but they aren’t. In
the early days of my son’s diagnosis I lived with many of these raw emotions
almost constantly. I’ve come a long way,
but I still hurt from time to time and have to face off these things usually
with a highly emotional response.
I’m so thankful for a
supportive husband in these times. I’m
also thankful for other friends and family.
I am most grateful for a God who knows and loves me during these
times. In fact, he places these emotions
in me so that I can feel. I’m learning
it’s good to feel. It’s not always pleasant, but it is good.
