No Advocating, We're on Vacation!

This is a unique Monday.  There’s no school and no holiday preparations unless you are planning to host a New Year’s Eve party.  There are few Monday’s like this during the school year.  What will you do?  Enjoy! That will look different for everyone but enjoy the freedom of today.  

It could be going to a movie, or watching one at home.  It could be shopping or cleaning up your home and feeling like there is a little order, once again.  It could be getting a babysitter and having a date with your spouse.  There is always a day of Monopoly or Settlers of Catan.  Take a day to enjoy the gifts God has given.  It may be time, relationships or those Christmas gift cards that enable you to shop and not feel it in your wallet.  

What ever you do, enjoy and thank God for the opportunity to have a special Monday.  A Monday, that you rarely get.  You may think,” I could do all these things.”  Don’t fall into that guilt of not being productive.  Just be productive in a different way.  Be productive by slowing down and enjoying the gifts that God has bestowed on you.  

Is School Going OK? Request an Early Conference

About this time of year, I was usually depressed, singing praises or not facing reality.  What do I mean? If things at school were going really bad, my son’s school would already have contacted me.  If I had not heard from his teacher, I was very happy thinking school was going great. If there was no communication from school, I was happy pretending life was wonderful!

After a few years of one of these reactions, I learned I needed to be more proactive.  One way of “making sure” how things are going is to request an early fall conference.  

Our school had fall conferences in early November.  If I waited until then, there was little time to redeem or reorganize before the holidays began.  That meant that no significant changes could be made until January.  We lost an entire semester of learning.

An early conference in October might help you redeem the semester for your child while there’s still time. Give this a try and see if it makes a difference for everyone.

Open House, Head Ache Free Zone

Oh, it’s that time of year.  I can remember the excitement my children had to show me all the things they had made.  There were usually a writing sample, a picture, a super cool craft and all kinds of things at their desks.  My girls would literally drag my husband and I and take us to exactly where all their things were.  It was a hectic environment with 300 other children doing the same thing.  

Well, it was a little different with my son.  I distinctly remember trying to find his things on the wall while he played “StarWars” with his friend in the middle of the room.  He had no idea where his things were and could of cared less.  Yes, by the time we left we needed excedrin!!

If you can relate, here are a few ideas to make that night a little easier.  You and your spouse can 'divide and conquer," each taking different children to see their rooms.  Always go to the youngest first. Make a “beeline” to your child’s desk and look there first.  Go find anything in the classroom on the wall next.  Look at the hallway on your way to the next classroom or before leaving the building.  Try to spend no more that five minutes in each classroom.  Let you children know the plan before going to school so everyone knows what to expect.  Try to skip the refreshments.  

You might tell your children if you can make it to everyone’s room and to the car in 20 min.(longer if you have a large family), then the family will go out for ice cream.  

Hope you have a headache free open house!

Labor Day Memories

I remember a conversation I had with my oldest daughter over Labor Day weekend in 1994.  She was six years old and had just began school for the first time a few days before. I was 9 months pregnant and it looked like I would need to be induced.  The doctor told me he was working all weekend so we could induce any time I wanted over the holiday.

My husband thought it would be great to have “labor” on Labor Day.  We mentioned this to our daughter.  And she quickly responded, “Oh, no.  Not on my day off!”  It was   adorable.  We thought about it and had our son on Tuesday so our daughter could have her first day off from school “uninterrupted.” 

Much has happened since then. In fact, our son who was diagnosed on the autism spectrum at age 8 has made so much progress.  He graduated from high school last May and we are beginning our first year without children at the school we called “our second home” for the last 20 years. 

For our family, Labor Day marks the beginning of life for with our son and the beginning of the school year for the last 20 years.  What great memories!

 

Beginning of the School Year

Exciting!  Well that depends.  I was usually excited.  I love my children but I was always ready for them to go school.  School brought a lot of things to our family.  I was a laid back mommy when my children were young.  Organization wasn’t my strength.  In fact, I was quite proud (too proud) of the fact that I never owned a calendar  until I had children in junior high.  School brought us back to a schedule each fall.  It was good to have a break from schedule over the summer.  It was also good to have a definite routine when school started. 

Some of my children were excited when they were young to return to school.  School was fun for them.  They saw friends a lot and learning came easily.  Even these children as they grew  older didn’t enjoy to prospect of going back to school.  They were active socially in the summer with their friends so school cut into the hours each day for pure socialization.

My son was a different story.  The anxiety that came over him was tremendous with the mention of the start of school.  We began to transition him to the idea around the first of August.  He started school about 3 weeks later.  It took all the time and it still wasn’t always a smooth first day.

It always took a lot of planning.  Sometimes it went well and sometimes it didn’t.  Planning didn’t assure that the first day would go well.  But without planning, it was certain it wouldn’t go well. 

As you prepare your child with anxiety for the first day know you have a friend here who understands!

 

Back to School/Meet the Teacher Day

Many schools have a special time to come meet the teacher a few days before school starts.  There may be other purposes to this time, as well.  The bottom line is that it is a connection time that helps many families.  It also can be an extremely stressful experience. 

For the best experience, develop a plan before you go to this event.  Here are a few ideas.

1.Purchase all school supplies and take them at this time.  It will simplify the first day of school hopefully lowering everyone’s stress level.

2.If you have more than one child that is in the school, decide ahead of time the order of visiting classrooms.  A schedule of what the evening/day will look like will decrease confusion and arguing.

3.Be at the front doors when it opens for the event. You may beat the rush.  Stick to your schedule. 

4.Quickly meet the teacher and put your school supplies away.  Keep the visit to each classroom to about 5 minutes. Use the timer on your phone if that helps your child transition.

5.Stay on schedule moving from class to class.

Remember less is more.  The less time you take, the more positive the experience will be.  A long time gives more room for things to go awry.  A short positive experience will lessen a child’s anxiety about the first day of school.

Back to School: It's More Than Purchasing School Supplies

I remember taking my children to Target or WalMart when the school supply list came in the mail.  It was early August.  I’m sure there’s some reading who are thinking:  didn’t they just put in on-line.  On no, this was back in the dark ages, the 1990’s.  Supply lists were mailed to us.  It was very exciting for my girls and we would make a big day of the shopping experience.   School supplies, lunch boxes, backpacks and all the rest.  There was always at least 1 item that we had to go to at least 3 stores before we found it.  It was usually the red correcting pencils that were only at the office supply stores. 

This shopping adventure was a big part of going back to school.  Little did I know, there would be a day when my son was old enough to go to school that school supplies were the least of my worries.  As a mom who dealt with a child with learning differences, the issues that I concentrated on were in a different category.

1.   Does the teacher understand what my son needs to be successful?

2.   Is the teacher a good fit for my son?

3.   How will he connect to the teacher, her classroom and the new mix of peers in his class?

4.   How do I manage my son’s anxiety for “meet the teacher” event and the first day of school?

5. Lastly, how do I keep my anxiety under control with all the stress of the beginning of the school year?

My heart is with all of you as your prepare for the school year.  It’s hard physically to get everything done to start the year.  It’s also hard emotionally to handle all the people, transitions and think of the advocating that needs to be done.  Hang in there.  I’ll be here every Monday talking about how to advocate for your child.

Quick Coaching

It would be nice if you could thoroughly prepare everyone who works with your child.  The reality is:  NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!  What can you do to help others understand the ways to help your child?

First of all, give them the basics about how your child looks at life.  This could be given to a mom during a play date or at a birthday party, a new respite worker, a counselor at day camp or anyone that will work with your child for a limited time or very occasionally.

Do’s and don’ts list. 

Do

Always be within a few feet of him.

Show him the schedule regularly.

Give him examples, not just explanation.

Prepare him for the next thing.

Set structure and boundaries. Communicate them.

Alternate preferred and non-preferred activities.

        Don’t

When he is confused or non-compliant  Don’t try to explain in more detail.  Remember less is more!

Don’t get into arguments with him.

Don’t let him communicate through behavior, grunting, ignoring you instead of using words.  Make him use his words if he’s verbal.

If all else fails, tell them to call your cell phone and you can give them some ideas to try.

 

Do I Need to Send an E-Mail After the Meeting? YES!!

  Today, I want to share some things that you can say in a follow-up e-mail to the school after a meeting. 

1.  Thank all the participants for their involvement in your child’s life including attendance of the meeting.  This is a chance to say a few kind words that you don’t always get around to saying. It is a great way to build good will.

2.Outline what was said in the meeting including what steps will be taken in the future.  This provides the school with a written record of what you left the meeting thinking and understanding.  If there is any miscommunication between you and “them,” it provides an opportunity for a response.  If there are differences, they can be addressed before much time has elapsed.

3.It is always valuable to share a positive story about what the school personnel are doing for your child.  This will close the e-mail with a positive tone.

 

ORGANIZING YOUR LIFE: Medical and Therapy Appointments

 

Do you feel like there is always a new doctor or therapist your child “needs” to see? Sometimes it feels like these professionals offer services he needs. Other times it’s for an evaluation necessary to access another service or it’s just to rule out some “bigger” things? This process is exhausting in many ways. One way is telling your story for the umpteenth time to another stranger. My husband came up with a great idea a few years ago that I’d like to share.

My husband designed a fact sheet to simplify the process of telling our story to professionals. It has been great for a lot of reasons.

1. It saves time in the sessions. We get our money’s worth in those sessions instead paying “to tell our story.”

2. It helps me stay on track when talking with the professional. The fact sheet serves as a guide or outline for the discussion.

3. It speaks to the professional.  The provider is usually complimentary and seems to really appreciate it. It is so easy for them to open of our file at a later date and review the case very quickly.

You can find a sample form to guide you in preparation of your child’s medical fact sheet.  https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MXF74ewbL3CcSQPV9gV5Trx9uGLI74kj6w10Frjz238/edit.

 

What Does Advocacy Mean?

 Today, let’s explore the topic of advocacy. We hear the word all the time especially in the area of special needs and disability.  But what does advocacy mean? The dictionary definition of an advocate is to speak, plead or argue in favor of, to support.

A parent is the most natural person to serve as an advocate for her child. No one loves a child as much as she does. The parent has a huge influence on the child’s life and wants the absolute best.  The parent is the expert of the child. Never forget that.  It’s so important that I’ll say it again.  The parent is the expert of the child.  Others will be involved with the child for a limited amount of time. Parents are involved with their child for a lifetime.

It only makes sense for you as the parent advocate to be at the center of any decisions for your child’s education or otherwise.  Use your role and responsibility to gain the best opportunities for your child.   Your child will be blessed to have a parent who is an advocate.